Jenny came out of
the camp house, pulling her sweater together and hugging her arms about her
for warmth. Even though it was late spring, the air from the oncoming night
was damp and cold.
She didn't look at me or speak to me. She simply
started down the porch steps and. I followed her. After all, it would soon
be dark and I felt I had to protect her from the dangers of the night. We
went through the gate of the board fence and started down the road toward
the lower camp.
"Curtis," she said a few minutes later, "we need to
talk."
She sounded so serious that I felt a sense of dread
come over me, like I already knew that whatever she was going to say
wouldn't be good.
"Talk about what?" I asked.
"Us," she answered.
My heartbeat quickened as I waited for her to go on.
"Curtis, I - I truly believe I'm doin' what God wants
me to do," she said at last. "In fact, I believe everyone was put on this
earth to do a special job, and this is what my job is. That's why I can't
allow myself to think too much about -- well, you know, things other kids my
age think about."
"You mean things like having me as a special friend?" I
asked, knowing my tone of voice revealed impatience and anger rising in me.
"Curtis, I hope we'll always be friends," she replied.
"But I'm talkin' about our friendship becomin' more serious than it is now.
I've been praying about that for a long time now, and I've promised God that
if He will use me to help people, I will devote the rest of my life to
servin' Him." She was silent for a moment, then asked, "Do you understand
what I'm tryin' to say, Curtis?"
I didn't answer her.
"I hope you're not mad at me," she continued. "Anyway,
surely you can't blame me for wantin' to do God's will, can you?"
"Jenny, how do you know that what you're wantin' to do
is what God wants you to do?" I demanded.
"I know it is 'cause I can feel it in my heart," she
answered emphatically "Besides, when God tells you to do somethin', you
don't have to wonder whether it's true or not. You just know it is."
She was obviously so convinced that what she was saying
was the absolute truth that I made no attempt to argue with her further. We
walked the rest of the way home in silence. After going through the fence
gate of the camp house where she lived, I paused to watch her climb the
porch steps and enter her home. She closed the door behind her without once
looking back at me.
Then, my eyes filling with tears, I walked around the
house and climbed the fence. But that's as far as I got. I sat down on top
of the fence and looked up at the sky through my tears, watching clouds
scudding across the sky beneath a bright moon.
God, why are you takin' her away from me? I whispered
in a choking voice. There's nothin' wrong with us bein' sweethearts someday,
is there? I mean, we're both Christians, and I might even be able to help
her in some way. Maybe that's my job on earth, to help Jenny with her job.
And I'd be willin' to do it, God. I'd be willin' to do anything if you'll
just bring her back to me. Please, God, please bring her back. I don't think
I can stand it without her!
But the moon went on beaming down and the clouds went
on streaming across the sky beneath the moon. Nor did I feel God trying to
speak to me in my heart. I was simply alone in the night, sitting on top of
a fence that cared nothing about my broken heart. And there was no one,
either in heaven or on earth, who seemed willing to help me.
